Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
