real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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