Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
