Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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