You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
