i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Let's paint friendship bongs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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