I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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