There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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