I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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