IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize