i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
