I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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