I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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