peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
