True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
