I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
