I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
