i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
