My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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