The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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