His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
