youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
