your parents love me but you hate me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize