How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
