im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
