We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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