i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
