mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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