Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize