The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
