did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
