how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
