I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish you could order shots online.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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