i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
