we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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