I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
