I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
