So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
