No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
