Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
