Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
