we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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