hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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