This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
