I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
