Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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