I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
