Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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