Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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