if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
