This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
