Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
