as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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