I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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