the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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