4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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