i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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