Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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