I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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