Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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