I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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