you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
