i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
