I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
