I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
