It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
