If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
