I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
