Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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