Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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