I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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