Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
