I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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