Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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