i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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