Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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