Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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