make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
