3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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