would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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