First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
