She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
