I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
