wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
